Day 6

Day 6 -  I think I ate less last night, but it could be my wishful thinking.  I hope I did.  Since I slept to almost 10am this morning I didn't have a lot of time to eat.  Does that count?  I hope so. 

I know it will be a miracle when I get this eating under control; I have no control over it.  It will have to be a God thing.  I just have to believe that since He has helped me with so much already, then He can handle this.

I have friends who are trying to lose weight also, and a couple of them are also trying to quit smoking at the same time.  I know they must be torturing themselves.  Thank God I stopped smoking many years ago.

So far today things are great.  Maybe I won't feel the urge to over-indulge this afternoon.  I hope that is the case. 

Yesterday I Ate A Lot

Day 5 -  I am ready to do my overeating inventory.  I dread it, but I know it is necessary.  I will post some of it here.  For example, I eat when I'm lonely, I eat when I'm bored.  I eat when I am at social gatherings where people eat.  Am I allowed that one?  Hmmm. 

At any rate, I eat a lot.  Yesterday I was not having a good day.  I had no gas to go anywhere except the grocery store, so I had to sit at home all day.  So I "needed" lots of comfort food.  So I ate and ate and....  Well, I think you get the picture.

Today I had to go sell books just to get gas money, so I'm trying to stay positive and not feel sorry for myself.  If I get into the fear and self pity I know my day will be crappy, so I don't need that.  I will try and focus on the good things about today. 

Mornings are usually good.  I eat a small breakfast and don't eat until the afternoon.  Then it seems to be a gradual progression to the pigging out by late night.  I hate that part.  Someone told me it may be because I am lonely and need comforting at night.  If that is the case, and it may be, then food is a poor substitute for a warm and loving person.  Ok, if I keep on with that train of thought I will get depressed. 

Wish me luck, and pray for me.  This ain't easy. 

  

Day 3 -  I made a decision to turn my food addiction over to God.  I can't stop pigging out on my own.  The desire needs to be taken away.  I can't do that.  He can. 

I think I did good with my eating yesterday morning, not quite as good in the afternoon, and later last night I did the whole pig out thing.  I did not feel good emotionally while I was pigging out, but I did get that "fix."  Nights seem to be more difficult for me.

Last night I went to a meeting where people talk about these things.  I liked it, can see where it will be helpful, and plan on going back.  Hopefully some friends will start going with me. 

So far I have done good this morning.  I don't plan on eating again until this afternoon.  Hopefully things won't be as difficult tonight.   

Day 2 - I know God can restore me to sane eating.  I've been there a few times.  I think what always happens is that I get the fat off and then I get tired of the self-discipline.  I let up just a little bit at a time and we all know how that goes. 

I am fighting a battle in my mind with this.  Last night I kept thinking that I "needed" to eat.  I wasn't really hungry but I needed the fix.  I wanted comfort food.  I need to remember that God is my comfort.  If I put food in that place then food is my god.  That ain't good.

Yes, I know God can restore me to sanity, but I still need to fight the good fight in my mind.  There is always a battle going on there.  I think I did good yesterday.  I feel like I did.  Tonight I am going to a special meeting that might help. 

So here I am at day two and excited about what God will do for me.  I now recall how hard it was to avoid other things back when I was new on that journey into recovery.  He brought me through that and He will bring me through this.  I need to remember that when it starts working good, and when I have reached my goal of 175 it was God's victory - not mine.  I also need to remember that I will always be a food addict, and must always stay diligent and honestly work the program like my life depends on it.  After all, obesity does kill. 

Ok, I'm ready to face the day.  God is my comfort - not food.  Thanks God.  

Step One

Day 1 - I admit I am powerless over my addiction to food; my life is unmanageable. 

Here I am again, starting a new weight loss journey.  I have been here many times before.  I lose weight, I am happy about it.  I keep my new weight for a while; then I start eating more, gaining again, and eventually once again I am fat guy.  It totally sucks.  I hate this roller coaster.

But today is a new start.  This time I am totally relying on God to do for me what I can not do for myself.  Here I sit at 209 pounds.  For my 5'8" body that is not good.  Once I was 5'10' but that was in my younger days.  Apparently I am settling already.  Wonderful! 

Feel free to take this journey with me if you like.  Any encouragement would be welcome - prayers too.  I will take all the help I can get.  I am now ready to go to any lengths to lose the fat.  My goal is 175.  I am in no hurry to get there, as long as I am making progress.  Any week that I do not gain will be a good week.  Any week that I lose, even if it is just one pound, will be considered a great week.

So here goes.  Wish me luck.  I will try to journal something here each day, just to keep me honest.  That is all for now.