Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Day 15 - I gained two pounds in the last week. Grrrrrrrrr, that really sucks. I guess that just reinforces what I already knew - I need help.  Tonight is 'special meeting' night.  I need them.   I cannot afford to give up. 

I am hungry now, but it is real hunger, so that is ok.  I don't mind eating when I have real hunger.  It's all the other reasons that I eat that I hate.  I also don't feel like blogging today, so I am done.

All Is Well.

Day 13 - Here I am at day 13 and all is well.  I am no more insane than usual.  Ha Ha.  I still feel good about what I'm doing and I know I will be successful as long as I keep doing what I'm doing.

I went to a support group meeting this morning.  It was very intense and the people were very warm and friendly.  They also shared some great success stories. 

It is good to be on the road to recovery with this food addiction.  I will do what has to be done to get this under control.  God is keeping me straight. 

I Walked Away From Chocolate Cake

Day 12 -  This morning went well - only ate breakfast.  So far this afternoon I have not eaten.  That is a great start for the day.

Of course I pigged out last night, no surprise there.  Today someone brought some wonderful looking chocolate cake to a meeting I attended.  It was tempting, but I walked away.

I am hungry now, but will eat when I get home.  At least this is real hunger, as opposed to emotional eating.  Real hunger justifies eating. 

Day 11

Day 11 - I ate a lot last night.  If you have followed this blog you know I always eat a lot more in the evenings.  I think the fact that I stay busier during the day helps.  I am not at home a lot during the day, but in the evenings, when I am home, I tend to eat a lot.  After all, the food is right there calling out my name.  It knows me.

Maybe I need to change my ritual.  Perhaps if I think of an irritating ritual I force myself to go through in the evenings each time I want to eat it would take away the instant gratification.  Any ideas? 

Today is good so far, but I was tempted to eat a second time this morning.  I escaped in time though.  I've eaten only once so far today.  I think overall I have done well this week.  Monday is weigh-in day.  I think it will be good. 

What? No Congrats?

Day 10 -  Last night I went to my special meeting and I shared that I lost 4 pounds and it got absolutely no response from the group.  What's up with that?  So much for support from my support group!  At least I have friends who acknowledge my victory and offer congrats.

I think I did good yesterday, and I have done great so far today.  I also found out about two more meetings I can go to.  Maybe they will acknowledge my victories.  I hope so. 

I do need to go to the grocery store this afternoon.  That may be a challenge for me.  I usually buy lots of sweets, so I will need to refrain from doing that - feel free to send a prayer my way.    

I Did Not Eat Pizza

Day 9 -  Yesterday someone bought pizza and I did not eat any.  It was not willpower; I did not want any.  This is soooooo awesome.  I asked God to take away the desire to overeat and He did. 

Here it is almost 2:30 pm and I have not wanted to eat since breakfast - and it was reasonable.  Tonight I will go to my special meeting for folks like me, (you know - special) and I can share my success.  I'm sure they understand and will be happy for me. 

Food is for living, not living for food.  I need to remember that.  It sounds simple, but hard for a hard- head like me.  LOL

I Lost Four Pounds

Day 8 - I did my weekly weigh-in this morning.  I am happy to say I lost 4 pounds.  Yaaaaaaaaa!   I love it.  I can't take any credit for it - it is a God thing all the way.  Thanks God. 

Someone brought a lot of Krispy Kreme donuts to a meeting I attended yesterday and I didn't even want one.  That is a miracle.  Normally I would have been all over them, eating at least two.  It was so strange not wanting one.  I knew then that I am gonna make it.

I am excited and encouraged.    

Day 6

Day 6 -  I think I ate less last night, but it could be my wishful thinking.  I hope I did.  Since I slept to almost 10am this morning I didn't have a lot of time to eat.  Does that count?  I hope so. 

I know it will be a miracle when I get this eating under control; I have no control over it.  It will have to be a God thing.  I just have to believe that since He has helped me with so much already, then He can handle this.

I have friends who are trying to lose weight also, and a couple of them are also trying to quit smoking at the same time.  I know they must be torturing themselves.  Thank God I stopped smoking many years ago.

So far today things are great.  Maybe I won't feel the urge to over-indulge this afternoon.  I hope that is the case. 

Yesterday I Ate A Lot

Day 5 -  I am ready to do my overeating inventory.  I dread it, but I know it is necessary.  I will post some of it here.  For example, I eat when I'm lonely, I eat when I'm bored.  I eat when I am at social gatherings where people eat.  Am I allowed that one?  Hmmm. 

At any rate, I eat a lot.  Yesterday I was not having a good day.  I had no gas to go anywhere except the grocery store, so I had to sit at home all day.  So I "needed" lots of comfort food.  So I ate and ate and....  Well, I think you get the picture.

Today I had to go sell books just to get gas money, so I'm trying to stay positive and not feel sorry for myself.  If I get into the fear and self pity I know my day will be crappy, so I don't need that.  I will try and focus on the good things about today. 

Mornings are usually good.  I eat a small breakfast and don't eat until the afternoon.  Then it seems to be a gradual progression to the pigging out by late night.  I hate that part.  Someone told me it may be because I am lonely and need comforting at night.  If that is the case, and it may be, then food is a poor substitute for a warm and loving person.  Ok, if I keep on with that train of thought I will get depressed. 

Wish me luck, and pray for me.  This ain't easy. 

  

Day 3 -  I made a decision to turn my food addiction over to God.  I can't stop pigging out on my own.  The desire needs to be taken away.  I can't do that.  He can. 

I think I did good with my eating yesterday morning, not quite as good in the afternoon, and later last night I did the whole pig out thing.  I did not feel good emotionally while I was pigging out, but I did get that "fix."  Nights seem to be more difficult for me.

Last night I went to a meeting where people talk about these things.  I liked it, can see where it will be helpful, and plan on going back.  Hopefully some friends will start going with me. 

So far I have done good this morning.  I don't plan on eating again until this afternoon.  Hopefully things won't be as difficult tonight.   

Day 2 - I know God can restore me to sane eating.  I've been there a few times.  I think what always happens is that I get the fat off and then I get tired of the self-discipline.  I let up just a little bit at a time and we all know how that goes. 

I am fighting a battle in my mind with this.  Last night I kept thinking that I "needed" to eat.  I wasn't really hungry but I needed the fix.  I wanted comfort food.  I need to remember that God is my comfort.  If I put food in that place then food is my god.  That ain't good.

Yes, I know God can restore me to sanity, but I still need to fight the good fight in my mind.  There is always a battle going on there.  I think I did good yesterday.  I feel like I did.  Tonight I am going to a special meeting that might help. 

So here I am at day two and excited about what God will do for me.  I now recall how hard it was to avoid other things back when I was new on that journey into recovery.  He brought me through that and He will bring me through this.  I need to remember that when it starts working good, and when I have reached my goal of 175 it was God's victory - not mine.  I also need to remember that I will always be a food addict, and must always stay diligent and honestly work the program like my life depends on it.  After all, obesity does kill. 

Ok, I'm ready to face the day.  God is my comfort - not food.  Thanks God.  

Step One

Day 1 - I admit I am powerless over my addiction to food; my life is unmanageable. 

Here I am again, starting a new weight loss journey.  I have been here many times before.  I lose weight, I am happy about it.  I keep my new weight for a while; then I start eating more, gaining again, and eventually once again I am fat guy.  It totally sucks.  I hate this roller coaster.

But today is a new start.  This time I am totally relying on God to do for me what I can not do for myself.  Here I sit at 209 pounds.  For my 5'8" body that is not good.  Once I was 5'10' but that was in my younger days.  Apparently I am settling already.  Wonderful! 

Feel free to take this journey with me if you like.  Any encouragement would be welcome - prayers too.  I will take all the help I can get.  I am now ready to go to any lengths to lose the fat.  My goal is 175.  I am in no hurry to get there, as long as I am making progress.  Any week that I do not gain will be a good week.  Any week that I lose, even if it is just one pound, will be considered a great week.

So here goes.  Wish me luck.  I will try to journal something here each day, just to keep me honest.  That is all for now.